Exposition on Fertility

I love children. Like seriously, every time I even see one my mothering urge goes through the roof. Within five seconds of entering a room I will have spotted all of the children, they will have seen me, and we will smile at eachother. I pretty much would do anything for a child, seriously doesn't matter if they annoy me all they have to do is ask me to do something and I'll probably consider doing it. I can't be around a child and not want to pick up a mother's role. Actually I even do that with adults. I am Mommy with a capital M.

But I don't want children. We're overpopulated, natural disasters occur every day, people get gunned down, there's a greater devide between the rich and poor; the world could end at any moment. I don't want to bring a child into that mess. There are millions of trillions of children without homes, who are subjected to fostercare. They are abused, oftentimes starved or misstreated and they definitely don't get the love and attention they diserve. The "lucky" ones who actually find a home are sometimes used just for the pay check, they might recieve even a worse treatement. The extremely "lucky" ones who actually recieve a family who want a child might still get a family who doesn't understand or love them enough. I am not selfish enough to want my DNA in another being to ignore this fact.

Having a child is extremely selfish. Yes it is what we're "made to do" everything we experience is to make sure we procreate, from the hormonal rush we get when in a relationship to the pleasure we recieve from sex, but we've evolved to the point where we don't have that need anymore. Some people believe that that's the reason why there are so many gay people these days, evolutionally speaking we just don't need that many people having babies. I believe that also this is why so many people have trouble getting pregnant, why there are so many sexual and reproductive disfunctions. It is an attempt by nature to curb the population. Unfortunately we have outsmarted nature with our fertility drugs, our turkey basters and our suragote mothers. We'd rather pass on OUR DNA than take care of our children.

I talk about getting a hysterectomy a lot. People always wave me off as crazy, either because I'd willingly subject myself to early onset menapause or because they don't believe I'd really never want a child. I don't have a strong will. If I got pregnant today I doubt I'd actually be able to get an abortion and a part of me would rejoice at getting this oppurtunity. I wan't to make sure that there is absolutely no way for me to back out of this. I want a hysterectomy TODAY. However, doctors wont do this procedure because I'm "too young". If I'm old enough to have a child I'm old enough to make the decision to never have one. That's just my opinion.

I wan't a child very much. I have to battle myself every day not to go out and get knocked up. Thank the Goddess I have a little brother that I can mother all I want, if it weren't for him I probably wouldn't be able to control myself. I've made this personal decision because I believe with all my heart that it is the right one. It's hard to see everyone I know getting pregnant, because it makes me think "What's one more baby in this sea of infants?" but I know I couldn't deal with myself perpetuating this behaviour. You guys can go increase the population all you want, but I'll be here counting down the days till I can get my operation to insure I never do.